Last week we had some real talk on Sexpectations with our muse, Jet Noir (@jetnoirmuse on Instagram). Jet has been involved in sex positive communities since 2002 in Atlanta. Jet has lectured on a wide variety of topics, including unpacking racial fetishization, humor in Sex Education, and navigating consent, internationally. He’s done clip work and education workshops for Kink dot com. He’s a co-organizer of Express Yourself, a play party for people of color by people of color, in Oakland and frequently volunteers as an emotional support “Angel” in support of sex positive communities. In his spare time (ha), he’s a part of the BIPOC Collective’s Wellness Committee. Jet is a published author and enjoys writing reviews for sex toys and porn. Jet lives in Oakland, California, with his two cats.
Jet is such an earnest communicator, and we went with the title “Sexpectations” because prioritizing honesty and boundaries without guesswork or surprises is of high importance to him in all of his relationships and interactions. This goes hand and hand with our work in supporting successful, healthy relationships.
On the topic of communication, Nika and Jet break down the difference between compliments versus objectification, and the etiquette behind what it means to give someone a sincere and respectful compliment. Jet and Nika also shared their experiences of racial fetishization and why fetishizing is not the compliment some people think it is.
Jet shares about his work with POC-centered play parties and burlesque shows, and sexpectations that come with these events. Nika and Jet observe that because there are significantly less microagressions occurring in these safer spaces that there is more authentic joy, free expression, and extra dance moves abound. Both also agreed that prioritizing pleasure and connection versus being goal driven increases safety and presence at these events.
We wrap up the episode with Jet dissecting sexist norms around dating and sex, and why men need to have healthy conversations with each other about how to pursue friendship, conversation, and intimacy in a consent focused way. He also expands on why we need comprehensive sex education to balance out a society that turns to “sex fiction” for instruction rather than distinguishing it as entertainment.
Finally, in light of SCOTUS’s recent decision, Jet advocates for vasectomies (his doctor even performed his own vasectomy!) and shares how quick, painless, and regret-free the process was.
Want to learn more about Jet? You can follow and support his work and various projects by clicking here
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